The first Christmas of the rest of my life.

Almost every one of our Christmas ornaments had a story or reminded me of a time in the life I'd created with my ex and my children.

We started our marriage with no ornaments and slowly collected 2 each year that we gifted to one another.

Last year I couldn't face that box of memories so I gave them to my ex.

Last year the kids were with their dad for Christmas. I was able to avoid a tree.

I celebrated Christmas with the kids on Christmas Eve without a tree (but lots of love).

I was dating a Jewish fellow at the time and the nice thing about dating a Jew (is that a derogatory thing? I can never tell) at Christmas is it's easy to pretend Christmas isn't happening when it's actually not happening for him.

He made Spaetzle for me and we pretended Christmas was not a thing.

This year I am not dating anyone seriously and it is my turn to have the kids for Christmas so it was time to face Christmas.

On Monday Maddie and I went to get a tree. I was wearing my work clothes complete with heels...and we got the tree, fit it in my car, got it in the house, put it in a stand, put lights on it and NAILED IT. 

Girl Power!

The tree is small, the lights are not distributed evenly, it has almost no ornaments on it but it's a step in my healing process. 

Also, it smells amazing.  

This ornament was one of three an anonymous friend left on my porch for me. Thank you, thank you. I'm very sentimental about my Christmas tree and I will always remember this. 

The kids brought some ornaments back from their dad's place that they thought I would miss. They're good ones.

I bought this one for Maddie last year. Just because I knew it would be a lovely ornament for her to put on her own tree when she's starting her own traditions.

Here's where we start with the new life ornaments. The kids and I spent last Thanksgiving with dear family in San Antonio. We fed dolphins and it was a really amazing experience for us so we bought this ornament. 

It's not my, uhm, usual style. But I know that I will always remember that trip and this Christmas when I put the ornament on my tree. 

The last ornament is from my former life. It's a Wish ornament. We have been using it since 2005 and almost all of the wishes have come true. Each year you write a wish or goal on a little piece of paper and leave it in the ornament until next Christmas.

In 2005, 2006 and 2007 Maddie wished for a dog, in 2007 she added a second wish. To stay on the Principal's List (honor roll).

Max, as a kindergartner, wished for a Power Tour Electric Guitar. That was his Red Ryder BB Gun that year. Later he wished for another trip to Chicago like we took in 2007. That was a good year.

I had a couple of silly wishes of my own. A new camera one year. A new sofa another.

That's where the wishes stopped working.

In 2008 I wished we could stay on Edgewood. In 2010 my wish was that my family would find our way through this and stay together. 

I cleared out the old wishes from our ornament to make room for our wishes going forward as a recreated family. 

I put the tree up without swearing at all, I was prepared to be very frustrated by the process. It is small and imperfect but it is mine and I am happy every time I look at it.

 

Comments

[Robin]

May this Christmas be truly Merry and the New Year bring you peace and happiness.

[Jessica]

Your tree is absolute perfection!

[Geiger]

I love your tree and ornaments. Lovely.
=]

Where did you get that Wishes bulb? I've never seen one of those before. But I feel like it is something I need in my life, especially at this point.

When I was still living at home, my parents and brother went away to visit grandparents and extended family at Christmas twice. Without me. I wasn't invited. They didn't want me there. I pretended Christmas didn't exist and was so ashamed that I couldn't even tell my friends. I just...cut myself off during that week and a half. The holidays can be so hurtful. And it took me a long time to get over the hurt of their purposefully excluding me from family events.

I'm so glad you have your kids this year and a beautiful tree and new ornaments and tradition.

You are winning every single day.
You are.
<3

[Jenn @ Juggling Life]

It is perfect in its imperfection. As are you.

[Reb @ Sink or Swim]

Merry Christmas! It is so good to read you again!

[Heather]

Good for you. My wish for you is that you feel so proud of yourself and so good about this holiday, the New Year to come, good things awaiting you... Merry, merry Christmas.

[mar]

New ornaments=new memories. May they all be sweet!

[ANNIE]

It's perfect in it's imperfection, as we all are. Merry Christmas, all best wishes for continued healing in the new year.
xo

[Diary of Why]

Merry merry Christmas and best wishes to you!

[anon]

i am always happy to read a new entry from you, and always wish you the best. i am a longtime reader, and an animal lover, so i feel a bit ashamed that i am only now inquiring about what happened to lucy....is she she still with you? or did she go to a new home? sorry, the ornament struck a memory of the lovely stories you used to share about lucy, and i am curious.

i do wish you a sincerely happy holiday, and cannot imagine the pain your divorce has put you through. i am so happy you were able to put up a tree this year, and truly wish you the best in everything.

[Carolyn]

I love your tree. And the wishes ornament is a great tradition.

[Lindsay]

Hi from a loooong time reader (2003?). I love your tree, it's perfectly squat and perfectly lit and has just the right amount of ornaments. Can you even imagine it any other way?

[Erika]

Beautiful.

[Penny]

Wishing you a very merry Christmas, Melissa!

[Erika]

Lovely tree. Merry Christmas!

[Patti]

Congrats to you for putting up a tree! I haven't managed to do one post divorce yet. Last year (the first) the kids and I had an un-Christmas Christmas and went walking on the beach, movies and dinner with friends. This year we are going back to my family's in Michigan where there will be tree/oranaments galore, but no pre-divorce memories to deal with. Next year will be my tree year.

[Cyndi]

Merry Christmas, Melissa. Here's to new traditions.

[Stephanie D.]

I love that you have comments on finally! I have read you for years, and used to blog a lot more myself (Crazy MomCat, then Cattywampus Life). I am 2-1/2 years in on my own divorce, and I truly relate to a lot of what you are writing here. So, thank you! Now, I want to go find a wish ornament myself...that's a really lovely concept! Have a wonderful Christmas with your kids!

[Becca]

I have read your blog since 2005, and I was sad for you when the divorce started. I have always enjoyed your writing, and the way you could matter of factly speak the truth as you saw it. I have been divorced from my ex husband since 2004, and I still dread every holiday that my children are not with me.

I am so proud of you that you got a tree, it is a beautiful thing and it is perfect. Have a blessed Christmas, and blessings for a wonderful new year for you and your family. Big, giant, squeezy hugs!!

[Kate]

This is a big step in the right direction. Big. So proud of you and happy for you!! LOVE this post.

[Melissa]

Merry Christmas and the happiest 2013 to you! Here's to healing!

[Maggie]

Love it & love your new ornaments...Christmas has become a bit of an awkward time for me, over the past 5 years, because though I love Boyfriend & we have a great relationship...The One Thing? He is Jewish & HATES Christmas with a fiery passion (there are apparently 2 kinds of Jews (not derogatory, according to all my many Jewish friends), and until him, I had only ever met the kind that always wished they could have a Christmas tree). He's gotten better over the years, but no matter what I do, I can't make him enjoy it. Hopefully one day, he will finally enjoy it through the eyes of our children...ANYWAY. Suffice it to say...I wish I had a tree as cute as yours, but alas, no trees in our house this year!

[roramich]

Merry Christmas, Melissa. I love your tree!

[Emily]

What a wonderful new beginning for you. I hope you have a truly wonderful Christmas season and a joyful New Year!

[Tracy @mamacreates]

I was so glad to see your comments open so I could wish you the merriest of merry Christmases as you're navigating your way through a foreign, post-divorce world.

I had my husband removed from our home June 2011, & in the year and a half since, i've been trying to navigate through my own strange world w/ my daughter (aged 4 1/2, going on 16), including losing our house & moving in w/ my mom & step-dad. This week, I had a 2nd, & what I had hoped would be the last, hearing in our divorce to settle on custody. This Friday, I will have a third, & god willing, the last hearing to decide custody.

I've not done a stitch of holiday decorating, save for the white pre-lit tree I always put in my daughter's room. It is still ornament-free....and easier to justify not digging out the bin of ornaments when she splits her time between her dad's place & mine.

When you get back from your dasdy's, baby....then i'll put up your tree. When you get back from your daddy's, baby, then we'll decorate your tree.

And I'm running out of time....time to make Christmas truly special for her. Running out of time to finish sewing her quilt, running out of time to sew her the rag doll I've been wanting to make for her.

Good on you for taking the steps to move forward....for getting your imperfectly lovely tree, for putting up your ornaments, for creating new memories with - and for - your kids, for fully appreciating the kindness of anonymous friends. If I had your address, I would send you an ornament, too.

So, here's wishing you, & all the rest of us lost, and semi-lost, souls who are trying to find our way in a post-divorce world, one ornament at a time, a very merry holiday.

xo

[Cheryl]

Merry Christmas from a long time reader and first time poster. The tree is perfection!

[Julie]

Your tree is pretty.

[Dawn]

Merry Christmas to you and yours. Love your tree.

[Anne]

Have a wonderful time with the kids! I'm just happy to see comments open so I could wish you a merry Christmas. I always read your updates in my feed and am always there with you.

[Allison]

Merry Christmas, Melissa! Your tree is beautiful!

[Beth]

It looks perfect to me. :-) May you have a wonderful Christmas with your sweet children.

[jill (mrs chaos)]

I love your tree. LOVE it. (The whale is my favorite.)

Merry Christmas, Melissa!

[Meghan Wagner]

Merry christmas! And good job in making your own christmas memories.

Quick question - where did you get that adorable Lucy ornament? I want one for my dog.

[lisajay99]

Very nice! Merry Christmas to you!

[lisajay99]

Very nice! Merry Christmas to you!

[jbeeky]

Post divorce myself and dating a Jew! Whoddya thunk?

[April]

A lovely post. Merry Christmas to you and yours. Wishing light and love in the new year.

[Brenda]

Lovely tree. Have a wonderful Christmas!

[Rebecca]

Merry Christmas! Thinking of you three as you recreate traditions this year.

[Tonya]

Your tree is perfect. I prefer trees with meaning any day over a perfectly staged tree with none. Merry Christmas to all of you.

[Jill]

Merry Christmas, Liss.

[Rachel]

Long time reader...I've been pulling for you! So glad you are writing again. Keep getting stronger--you are amazing. XXOO

[Green]

I can't comment for all Jewish people, but yes, I am offended when someone refers to a person as "a Jew." I know another Jewish person who is not offended by it, FWIW. You have to do what feels right to you; I tend to err on the side of caution with offense, so would have phrased your statement as, "Last year I was dating someone Jewish, so ..."

Glad you were able to have a happy Christmas!