Almost every one of our Christmas ornaments had a story or reminded me of a time in the life I'd created with my ex and my children.
We started our marriage with no ornaments and slowly collected 2 each year that we gifted to one another.
Last year I couldn't face that box of memories so I gave them to my ex.
Last year the kids were with their dad for Christmas. I was able to avoid a tree.
I celebrated Christmas with the kids on Christmas Eve without a tree (but lots of love).
I was dating a Jewish fellow at the time and the nice thing about dating a Jew (is that a derogatory thing? I can never tell) at Christmas is it's easy to pretend Christmas isn't happening when it's actually not happening for him.
He made Spaetzle for me and we pretended Christmas was not a thing.
This year I am not dating anyone seriously and it is my turn to have the kids for Christmas so it was time to face Christmas.
On Monday Maddie and I went to get a tree. I was wearing my work clothes complete with heels...and we got the tree, fit it in my car, got it in the house, put it in a stand, put lights on it and NAILED IT.
Girl Power!
The tree is small, the lights are not distributed evenly, it has almost no ornaments on it but it's a step in my healing process.
Also, it smells amazing.
This ornament was one of three an anonymous friend left on my porch for me. Thank you, thank you. I'm very sentimental about my Christmas tree and I will always remember this.
The kids brought some ornaments back from their dad's place that they thought I would miss. They're good ones.
I bought this one for Maddie last year. Just because I knew it would be a lovely ornament for her to put on her own tree when she's starting her own traditions.
Here's where we start with the new life ornaments. The kids and I spent last Thanksgiving with dear family in San Antonio. We fed dolphins and it was a really amazing experience for us so we bought this ornament.
It's not my, uhm, usual style. But I know that I will always remember that trip and this Christmas when I put the ornament on my tree.
The last ornament is from my former life. It's a Wish ornament. We have been using it since 2005 and almost all of the wishes have come true. Each year you write a wish or goal on a little piece of paper and leave it in the ornament until next Christmas.
In 2005, 2006 and 2007 Maddie wished for a dog, in 2007 she added a second wish. To stay on the Principal's List (honor roll).
Max, as a kindergartner, wished for a Power Tour Electric Guitar. That was his Red Ryder BB Gun that year. Later he wished for another trip to Chicago like we took in 2007. That was a good year.
I had a couple of silly wishes of my own. A new camera one year. A new sofa another.
That's where the wishes stopped working.
In 2008 I wished we could stay on Edgewood. In 2010 my wish was that my family would find our way through this and stay together.
I cleared out the old wishes from our ornament to make room for our wishes going forward as a recreated family.
I put the tree up without swearing at all, I was prepared to be very frustrated by the process. It is small and imperfect but it is mine and I am happy every time I look at it.
Recent Comments